Where to begin…

Five.tv have launched a download service.

They have a Help section which states:

How do I set up Active X in Internet Explorer?

– Click on Tools > Internet Options… in the menu bar of your browser
– Click on the Security tab
– Make sure the Internet zone is highlighted
– Click on Custom Level… to bring up your Security Settings
– Scroll down the list for the ActiveX options
– For Download unsigned ActiveX controls make sure that Enabled or Prompt is selected
– For Initialize and script ActiveX controls not marked as safe make sure that Enabled or Prompt is selected

So unsigned or not marked as safe ActiveX content should be allowed. WTF!

It also states:

What is Digital Rights Management (DRM)?

Digital Rights Management (DRM) is a technology that allows for the secure management of digital media, such as the programmes in the Five Download service. This security protects the content from illegal and unauthorised sharing and viewing (also know as digital piracy) by issuing licenses to your computer for each piece of protected content to which you are authorised. This is done to protect the creative rights of the actors, artists and others involved in making these programmes possible.

and:

How do I get a DRM license?

Usually, a DRM license will be delivered to your computer automatically without you even noticing the process when you play our content. If this is the first time you’ve ever tried to play DRM licensed content on your computer, or if you recently reinstalled or upgraded your Windows Media Player, Windows Media Player will ask for your permission to download security upgrades from Microsoft.

This process should start automatically, but you will need to click Yes or OK when asked to permit the upgrade. See example image below for PC’s with XP and Service Pack 2. If you don’t permit the upgrade, our content will not play for you.

If the process fails for some reason, you may need to reinstall Windows Media Player from scratch. Please consult Microsoft’s Windows Media Player website for additional assistance.

So we have processes in place to stop you ( you bunch of digital pirates! – just give us your money) from venturing away from the ONE machine we will allow you to watch this download on – oh and by the way, if we break your machine you will need to fix it yourself.

Showing how much they understand this Interweb thingy they state:

Why does your webpage look odd or not work right with all web browsers?

Different web browsers, such as AOL, Firefox, Netscape, Opera, etc display web pages slightly differently and this makes it hard to give everyone identical looking pages. Therefore, we decided to design our service to be optimised for Internet Explorer version 6.0. 

 I thought we had left this “Optimised for IE” rubbish behind us!

The icing on the cake is:

Why did I get an “Maximum Licenses Reached” notification?

You are allowed to view your download on only one computer. Accessing a download from more than one computer will lock out your access to that content. This is a feature of the DRM (Digital Rights Management) solution which is used to prevent unauthorised sharing, copying and viewing of our content.

Do not share your account access with other people or jump around from computer to computer as this can lock you out of access to the content you purchased

WTF! Seriously – WTF! Has someone honestly put this up on their website? “Do not… jump around from computer to computer as this can lock you out of access to the content you purchased”

Two things:

1. I really hope lots of people use this service – this will bring a lot of the issues home to people very quickly. Just don’t spend a lot of money downloading before you try – as (a) Five will think this is a success and (b) you will be very annoyed when you realise you’ve wasted a lot of money on a really awful system.

2. If anyone comes to me and asks me to fix their machine because Five broke it – forget it! Sue them!

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